I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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