She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
is it fun? or sober?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
