Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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