You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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