you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
