Can Purell be used as lube?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
