Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
