Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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