I cannot find my penis.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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