she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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