u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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