Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
