Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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