therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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