Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
