why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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