Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
