the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
