if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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