WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
