Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
