I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
