did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
