i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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