Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
