I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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