Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
