I'm lost and stupid without you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
