They should really pass out barf bags in church
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
