I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
