The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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