So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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