Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
