I just cut my nipple shaving
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
