somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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