yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
