he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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