She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
