I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You are the jesus of drinking
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
