one two three fourrrrnication!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
