Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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