in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
