i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
