I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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