u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
