you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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