Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
