I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
