Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
