Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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