Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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