All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
