Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
