Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
