I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
