My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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