I smell stomach acid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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