come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
