and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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