That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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