Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
