Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
