the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
