This girl is more easily done than said...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
