Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
