No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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