A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
