My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
