Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
