she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
