so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
