He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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