Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
