a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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