The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
