if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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