When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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