I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
