even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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