she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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